The Start of a New Journey

A new journey may not be the most honest of titles for this post. I believe in one of my first post I mentioned that we had started down the adoption path last March but pulled out because of our pregnancy. This January we decided we were going to start traveling back down that path full steam, and it has been absolutely amazing. We essentially got bumped to the top of a nine-month wait list and now are only a couple steps away from being in the pool of waiting families.

Since January, we have put together document after document, completed three home visits, forked out a bunch of money, and dug through pictures to build a beautiful book about us. What should have been about year to complete, including the waiting list, has been a fast and furious three months. Our final pieces are waiting on background checks from the state of Maryland and completing a three day training class that starts in May. If all goes as currently planned we will be able to be viewed and picked by an expecting mother or family by the middle of May.

This marks a moment of triumph and lost as there is duality to saying goodbye to how we wanted to build our family originally and saying yes to this new opportunity. Through all the pain and darkness that the past seven years, and in particular the past year, has brought, I can see the light in this darkness. I can see that something beautiful is being built out of the pain and the heartache and the uncertainty. I know that the child we are meant to have will be the child that is placed in our arms whether that be in 3 months or three years.

Graduation!!!!

For anyone who has seen this blog, which I am pretty sure is no one but me at this point, you will notice I changed the title. This is a big change because I believe it truly reflects a monumental shift in where I was and where I am. My wife and I recently "graduated" from our post-pregnancy loss counseling. We had been going to her since about a month after the loss and she has been absolutely phenomenal. Jill, we can't thank you enough for all you did for us. We realized we had "graduated" when we spent about half of our last session talking about Casa Bonita, yes the crazy restaurant for South Park, we live in Denver so it is and always will be a talking point. I tell you, there is nothing like spending $60 to talk to a trained professional about a campy Mexican restaurant with cliff divers to really drive home, "your good".

Now what "your good" means is not that I have forgotten the loss or don't pain over it, it is merely that I now know it is something I can live with throughout my days. There is not a day that I don't think about our little Ellie or what our life would look like if she were born into this world a happy and healthy little girl. But I do have faith in God that this pain and the loss of her is helping to build something more beautiful than we could even fathom. In short terms, Gods got this and I trust in that.

I have a lot more I want to share but I am going to hold off for now so I can have some material for future posts.