Thursday, July 9, 2020

One Month in and ???? to Go?

We have officially been a waiting family for four weeks now. Anyone who has gone through this process understands that the time you are waiting really doesn't matter. The longest couple on the list only has one advantage, when a birth mother, or expected birth mother, has no want or desire to pick the family to partner with to raise their child. There are stories of people waiting four days to get matched and placed and there are stories of people waiting multiple years. It really comes down to being the right people for the right person at the right time. So how have I been making it through the last four weeks and how do I intend on continuing.

Excitement and buy stuff. Over the past four weeks, we have bought a bassinet, a stroller travel system, an innumerable amount of books, and I am sure many more purchases are yet to come. I cannot say I am enjoying the wait but I do have the blessing of having a wife by my side who is going through the same wait and is handling it in much of the same way I am. While it could be a couple more days or a couple more years I want to keep my excitement about the process and future family we are working towards. I expect there to be disappointments on the way, I expect there to be frustration, but I also have faith in the end result.

To get practical here just in case there is someone reading this, I have a couple suggestions if you are entering this journey.

1. No matter what someone says, even your adoption agency, DO NOT go back to life as normal from an attitude perspective. By this I mean, of course you will want to maintain your job and pay your bills and be a good partner to your significant other. What you do want to change though is your routine, your attitude, your emotions. You are doing all this to grow your family, this is the biggest decision of your life and it should be treated as such from an emotional, financial, and social perspective.

2. Have grace and then some more grace for all the people in your life. Your friends and family likely mean well when they say your wait will be short. Your significant other may badger you to email your agency for status. All these people have good intentions and are likely doing these things out of excitement as well. When it comes to everyone but your significant other, they are likely just ignorant of the process and do love you and want to see your dreams come true just like you do.

3. Read, research, watch movies, write, etc. I have found dedicating the times to read, research online, and watch adoption-related movies has been a Godsend for the process. It helps not only pass the time during the wait but also gives hope and joy to my heart that I will be one of those overjoyed dads one of these days. Writing also will give you the ability to get out onto paper what you may not even understand you are feeling, I write on this blog for that exact reason whether someone reads it or not. 

4. Pray. I pray for myself and my wife. I pray for expectant birth mothers. I pray for unborn babies. I pray for the other people who are going through the same adoption process. The latter is the most transforming as it makes people out of what we have jokingly called our competition. As I pray for them more and more, the more I want to know their stories and the more I want to see them have the joy of a child that I also and wanting so deeply. 


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